Prayer Meeting 14/6/2022

‘God I Know What’s Wrong With Me, I’m Missing You’

Robert Murray McCheyne once said:

You wish to humble a man, ask him about his prayer life.

Well, after spending two weeks speaking about, firstly our flesh’s unwillingness to desire prayer, drawing much from Richards Sibbes, we then spent two weeks, or two meetings on ‘Our Lack Of Sustaining A Prayer Life’, drawing from Johnathan Edwards’ teaching on

‘Hypocrites Deficient In The Duty Of Prayer’. How many could be honest enough to say tonight: that is still me, I’m still deficient. I’m a hypocrite?

The Edwards’ quote we looked at in our previous prayer meeting was:

It is the nature of love to be adverse to absence.

How many could say: it seems I miss everything more than God, if you measure it based on your personal devotion, and time spent. Which brings me to tonight’s puritan prayer. It’s not, at first, a hard-hitting prayer but more a prayer of and for devotion. What will be hard-hitting is that we don’t really pray those prayers enough, if much, or at all at times. So as I read this and you contemplate the words, maybe ask yourself if this is your devotion, and if not, try and reflect on the benefit that the writer is talking of when he does have that devotion.

The prayer is entitled ‘devotion’. Page 236 of ‘The Valley Of Vison’ book.

God of my End; It is my greatest, noblest pleasure to be acquainted with thee and with my rational, immortal soul; It is sweet and entertaining to look into my being when all my powers and passions are united and engaged in pursuit of thee, when my soul longs and passionately breathes after conformity to thee and the full enjoyment of thee; No hours pass away with so much pleasure as those spent in communion with thee and with my heart. O how desirable, how profitable to the Christian life is a spirit of holy watchfulness and godly jealousy over myself, when my soul is afraid of nothing except grieving and offending thee, the blessed God, my Father and friend, whom I then love and long to please, rather than be happy in myself! Knowing, as I do, that this is the pious temper, worthy of the highest ambition, and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures and holy Christians, may my joy derive from glorifying and an delighting thee. I long to fill all my time for thee, whether at home or in the way; to place all my concerns in thy hands; to be entirely at thy disposal, having no will or interest of my own. Help me to live to thee for ever, to make thee my last and only end, so that I may never more in one instance love my sinful self. 

As we spend more time with God, we will become way more aware of what it feels like to be without Him, which is where I want to take us tonight. So my heading is this: ‘God I Know What’s Wrong With Me, I’m Missing You’. Because if we can truly miss God more we will most certainly seek Him more.

Four weeks ago, then three weeks ago, then two weeks ago, I had spent more time in study and prayer than I can ever remember in my life. I didn’t study and pray every moment but I spent hours on end each day reading and writing and studying and praying, to the point when I wasn’t I was so aware of the wasted time. Last week that time was nowhere near as devoted; come Sunday night, in fact before that, I noticed it. But I believe I noticed it and knew what was wrong with me and the solution because of my previous level of devotion.

It’s not that I had done nothing, I read every day and wrote every day. But I did not do near as much as I had, nor did I pray near as much. It was that close devotion, that constant intimacy , that made me grasp and identify what was missing, and therefore what was also the solution. I know we can easily say I’m not doing enough, but the reason we say it and don’t do anything about it is that we don’t miss it enough, and we don’t miss it enough because we haven’t tasted it enough; we haven’t had our thirst quenched enough by it.

If you are restless, or not quite on it, or a little flat, which was what I felt, then listen, its truly a one solution answer: lack of intimate devotion with God - end of. Honestly, it’s that and that alone. That is the solution that is the problem. However, in order for us to recognise that we need to first have upped our devotion in the first place.

The main reason so many spend so long in limbo, or average, or in flat, or in seeking other things, which is truly the clearest indication of all. Seeking other things, however, numbs the lack of intimacy and satisfies the flesh. Therefore, it takes even longer to recognise what’s missing, and seek God. But it’s all because you can’t compare your feelings to anything godly, you can’t compare your distraction, or self-seeking, or flatness, or apathy, to what devotion felt like, what it looked like, and what it brought to your world. So even in your self-seeking, or apathy, or laziness, or half-heartedness, due to a lack of prolonged intimacy, you struggle to identify what’s missing.

Example: if you only have five pounds in your wallet, and it goes missing, you notice it right away, because it’s all you have, but if you have a whole lot, you will either never notice at all or it will take much longer. So like a lack of sustained intimacy, you don’t fully know nor can identify what’s causing you to be how you are. Therefore, the more devotion, the more intimacy we have with God, the more we will notice and act and react to that devotion when it weans. Because nothing compares to that time of devotion and prayer.

The issue with our devotional life is that it’s so weak that we don’t even know that is what’s missing, and even if we do know we should pray more, study more, spend more time with the Lord, we just don’t miss it enough to bring us back to it quick enough. So really, the more devotion, the more you will catch lack of it and recognise what’s missing in your soul. To the point that nothing else will do. Nothing else will taste the same, feel the same, satisfy the same, quench the thirst the same.

Psalm 63 - David writes this when he is in the wilderness fleeing his enemy, most likely his wicked son Absalom.

Psalm 63:1-3

¹O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water. ² So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory ³ Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You.

As you look at this psalm of David, it’s a direct understanding in whom he knows he can trust and in whom delivers him. In the psalm before David says twice “He only is my rock and salvation”. He declares, “He is whom I trust”. It’s these things that he knows and trusts when he is now facing persecution, from Saul, or indeed his evil son Absalom. David recognises that nothing he can do to bring him relief is like that of which God satisfies; he knows what’s missing from his soul. He is not looking for revenge, he knows it’s God and God alone who can satisfy him regardless of circumstances. David knows nothing compares to that intimate worship with God, and he longs for it.

As we draw on a few more thoughts tonight, I want to share a scripture from Matthew 6.

Matthew 6:6

⁶ But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.

This is the verse used by puritan Thomas Brooks while sharing his discourse on closet prayer, or private prayers, or ‘privy’ as they are headed in his discourse. The whole title of Brook’s discourse is called: ‘The Privy Key To Heaven’. He writes over 150 pages on this one verse. Literally a book on one verse. Brooks was one of the earlier English puritans, born 1608 and studied in Cambridge. He, like Calvin, would be very staunch on whom he allowed to take communion, which caused him much trouble.

His full works are in six volumes, and are jam packed - being certainly more readable than John Owen but not a walk in the park. I’m sure there is a puritan paperback on his work in which we will draw a bit from tonight called ‘The Secret Key To Heaven’. It’s abridged, so will be much easier to read, and it’s really a shorter version and a more readable version of what’s in his works. If you want we can get them ordered for you, they are around £6. We would more recognise them as the prayers, the devotion and study when we Are alone with God.

Brooks writes, as he shares many points:

Consider that God hath usually let himself most to his people when they have been in secret, when they have been alone at the throne of grace.

He adds:

There is no service wherein Christians have such a near, familiar and friendly intercourse with God as in private prayer. Neither is there any service wherein God doth more delight to make known his truth and faithfulness, his grace and goodness, his mercy and bounty, his beauty and glory to poor souls, than this private prayer.

I will give you two more which are vital parts of our whole Christian walk:

A true friend loves to pour out his heart into the bosom of his friend when he has him in a corner or in a field, or under a hedge. You are his favourites, and what favourites is there that hides his secret from his prince. Do not all favourites open their hearts to their prince when they are alone?

And lastly:

How can you say you love me when you never acquaint me with your secrets? How can you say you love me when you never bestow any private visits upon me? How can you say you are my children and yet be so closed and reserved as you are?

How can we truly know what it’s like to miss God when we know not what we gain from being with Him? How can we ever love our brothers if we do not get into more intimacy and spend time alone with them? When I have superficial relationships, that are very surfacy, and only ever shallow - it not only reveals the lack of vulnerability in that person, but often the lack of developing intimacy with God. Some might say: ‘well, I’m just a private person, and that may be so, but those who say that seem to have few deep relationships, and therefore it’s a good indication of their lack of intimacy with God.

Name one intimate person with God in the bible who never had a single deep relationship or conversations with people. None. Because I do not believe one who doesn’t wrestle with God in private, will not be open to his fellows in public.

Brooks says:

Private prayer is that privy key of heaven that unlocks all the treasures of glory to the soul.

An important juncture here would be to say that private devotion leads to godly conversions about the soul, not off-loading issues of the flesh. By that I mean many people will say ‘well I am very open about what’s going on’ etc. – yes, but let’s not confuse that with what we share when we have been in deep intimacy with God. Those conversations are way more about God and us, than other people’s issues, and indeed our own hang-ups. The conversations are more holy, more heavenly, more submissive to God in their tone and subject. They don’t have a stench of self-absorption, which really eventually becomes very tedious to listen to.

I think I could sum it up by saying this: Its less about what you don’t have and don’t want, and more about who He is and how you desire that even more. These conversations are not void of battles and painting a garden rosy, they are not, however, self or others obsession either. They are neither shallow, nor the wrong kind of deep. They are more understanding, more life giving, and less life-sapping. Why? Because intimacy with God and prayer has brought a Godly perspective to things, and therefore a different assurance.

How many unassured conversations do you have even in a day? Conversations and thoughts of doubt or fleshy hope. Of course, we may think ‘well they are thoughts for good’, and yes, they may be but are they thoughts of trust, of faith, of abandonment to His hand? You are no greater help to your brother or sister than when you have spent and devoted most time in private prayer to God. I will paraphrase what Brooks writes on this as it’s wordy. He more or less says: ‘that when we have a devotional life, in our everyday life set aside for private prayers, we are’ (and I will quote this exact):

…most use to other fellow servants both to awaken them and convince them that the things of religion are the greatest and highest importance, and that there is no trade or pleasure or profit to that private trade that is driven between God and a man’s own soul.

Wow. Can any of us truly testify that whenever we are around people, when we walk away they have more imbedded in them than anything, that God and prayer and intimacy with Him is greater than any other thing, and we indeed make that clear and attractive to people? I’m sure your answer will be not really, to which we can only answer by saying,

‘and it’s because I don’t have that level of devotion myself, to tell you how wonderful it is’. The prosperity of our outward life can be no more than a result of our inward devotion. By prosperity I mean of the soul.

3 John 1:2

² Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.

John’s final epistle, which was among his very final words written, was that we would prosper as our soul prospers. That soul prosperity John knows only comes from the intimate time and intimate prayers we have with the Lord.

I will close with two more thoughts from Brooks. Firstly: taking hold of every season. Brooks writes:

A man prays always when he takes hold of every fit season and opportunity for the pouring out of his soul before the lord in his closet.

In essence, we miss so many lessons and we falter so much in our race, due to not recognising and understanding the season and situations that arise. We are tossed to and fro with the wind. Our inability to discern times and pot holes, and ditches, lead us to rest and walk blindly into things unprepared. If we spent more time in private prayer and study, we would most certainly be more ready in all seasons.

Why do so many believers struggle greatly with pain, and apathy, and ignorance and repetitive issues? They are ill prepared, and they are ill prepared due to lack of private devotion. Lastly Brooks writes:

Habituate yourselves, accustom yourselves to closet prayer.

He adds:

Frequency begets familiarity, and familiarity confidence. We can go freely and boldly into that friend’s house whom we often visit. What we are habituated to do , we do so with ease and delight.

I close again with a few lines from the prayer I read at the start, it may read a little differently now.

Page 236 of ‘The Valley Of Vison’ book:

I long to fill all my time for thee, whether at home or in the way; to place all my concerns in thy hands; to be entirely at thy disposal, having no will or interest of my own. Help me to live to thee for ever, to make thee my last and only end, so that I may never more in one instance love my sinful self. 

Amen.